Some Long Thought-of Thoughts from Yesterday

...I could go after one thing, then another. "This is fun, but I still got this issue." Then I could find something or someone else. "Yeah, this is cool, but I still have some pain from the past." Then I could keep going and find lots of things I think I want, and people who actually 'understand', and music, entertainment, etc that goes along with the stuff I'm thinking and feeling.

         Actually, that was me. And somehow I got out of those things. How? Hmmm, I must have felt convicted to stop feeling worldly and bitter and stuff, and the process began. Why am I telling you this? I don't know...But I felt kind of guilty for a while about pushing it away. I feel fine now though. :) Making things right always makes things better. I have been dealing lately with exploding and thinking, "Why am I doing this?!" I've gotten so confused and angry that I've cursed in my head and said words that I stopped saying. I think this was necessary to go through.

        If you have been relying on self, I know life isn't what it could be for you, for your happiness and for others'. If you have been relying on God, you of course would have different results. If you choose to go to God about the things that pain you(instead of causing yourself more pain and buiding the wall higher) He will take the bad out of all the wounds of your life that you have stuck inside you. And He will(like NOBODY or NOTHING can, because NOTHING can) heal you. The pain is gone, replaced with good, by overcoming it with good.

        When you have problems and pain, it effects others(just like others' such things effect you), and then what they do can add MORE problems and pain. You start bottling stuff up inside, and exploding out to people once in a while(about OTHER things sometimes), NOT getting to the root of the problem. Then we complain about them, STILL not resolving things, but hey, at least we get to talk to so-and-so, who really actually understands. Then we can have a life of going back and forth between strife, problems, etc, and pleasure, friends, etc.

        I'm learning a different way though. :) I thought I was going against God when I said, "I just want so-and-so to KNOW about this, how I really feel about it.[things I was bitter about] I just want to let it all out..." But I guess I was in such a rut and so troubled, that I wasn't realizing that it WAS from God. I'm having to tell a certain person what the exact things are that bothered/bother me, and exactly what I'm forgiving them for. If I don't tell them what the issues are, then they don't see me breaking down the walls and letting God change my heart and mindset, and then it's like I'm letting the things stay wrong between us, instead of making them right.
       Things need to be made right with God, our family, and our fellow men.